Talking about money, setting goals together, and collaborating as a team can boost your financial compatibility and lay a strong foundation for your relationship.
Key points:
- Financial compatibility revolves around shared attitudes toward spending and saving.
- It’s common to see savers paired with spenders and vice versa.
- Financial compatibility extends to both major financial decisions and everyday choices.
- When couples have differing financial approaches, it often leads to conflict and can even predict the risk of divorce.
Everyone enjoys payday, but what do you do with any surplus earnings? While being a “saver” or a “spender” might seem like a personal preference, in relationships, financial decisions, both everyday and long-term, are not solely individual. When romantic partners merge their lives, their financial choices become interconnected as well.
As couples become more acquainted with each other, they may uncover hidden financial details about one another. They might observe their partner’s extravagant spending habits and realise it mirrors undisclosed family wealth or escalating credit card debt. They might also notice deliberate frugality and come to understand that their partner is diligently repaying loans, living paycheck-to-paycheck, or steadily growing a savings account, while battling a persistent fear of scarcity.
While much of our true financial narrative remains concealed from the public eye, romantic partners often have a front-row seat, and they may or may not see eye-to-eye on each other’s money management approaches. When couples struggle to establish financial harmony in their relationship, such as compatibility and comfort, their overall relationship well-being can be compromised.
Opposing financial approaches often attract each other
While we might assume that spenders naturally gravitate toward spenders and savers toward savers, empirical evidence suggests otherwise. Despite the common belief that similarity draws individuals together, research indicates an intriguing trend: individuals inclined to save money frequently partner with those inclined to spend it.
On the surface, savers and spenders appear to complement each other, potentially benefiting both parties. Indeed, it’s often individuals classified as “tightwads” (who spend less than they’d ideally prefer) who find themselves in relationships with “spendthrifts” (who spend more than they’d ideally prefer). Perhaps they anticipate influencing each other’s financial behaviours, fostering greater moderation and achieving a balanced approach to money management.
However, the prevailing outcome tends to lack compromise. Despite hopes for gradual adjustments from both partners, marriages between “tightwads” and “spendthrifts” frequently encounter financial discord.
Financial compatibility encompasses a broad spectrum of monetary choices
It isn’t solely determined by earning similar incomes or sharing similar financial backgrounds; rather, it hinges on individuals’ attitudes towards money. Consider the myriad joint and personal financial decisions that individuals in relationships must navigate. Couples who are highly compatible tend to have fewer disagreements about money, while less compatible partners often find themselves in more frequent disputes.
How well do you and your partner align? Assessing your financial compatibility involves reflecting on how you both approach significant financial matters, such as:
- Renting versus buying a home, and which property to choose.
- Determining what to do for vacation.
- Timing decisions related to selling assets.
Additionally, it involves considering smaller financial choices that partners must make together, such as:
- Opting between dining out and preparing meals at home.
- Establishing spending limits for special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries, as well as for gifts and family assistance.
- Allocating funds for clothing, entertainment subscriptions, electronic devices, and leisure activities.
Reflecting on these questions can shed light on your financial compatibility as a couple. Partners who effortlessly find common ground on such matters typically exhibit greater financial alignment compared to those who frequently disagree. It’s important to recognise that discussions about money can evoke strong emotions, and financial incompatibility may pave the way for significant conflicts within a relationship.
Relationship instability often stems from financial incompatibility
While romantic partners may engage in disputes over various topics, disagreements regarding finances tend to have a particularly detrimental impact on the health of a relationship. Longitudinal studies have revealed that a higher frequency of financial conflicts is a strong predictor of divorce. Surprisingly, the level of financial well-being individuals enjoy doesn’t necessarily correlate with the stability of their relationships; rather, it’s the presence of conflicts related to money management that largely determines whether relationships endure.
The spectrum of differences between partners in terms of their saving and spending habits can vary widely. Partners may exhibit similarities, slight differences, or significant disparities in their financial behaviours. Interestingly, research indicates that marital satisfaction tends to decrease as the gap between partners’ saving and spending tendencies widens. Greater disparities in financial approaches can lead to more frequent disagreements, potentially weakening the foundation of a relationship.
Partners can develop a financial approach that fosters the well-being of their relationship
Research indicates that marital satisfaction tends to decline when spenders and savers form unions, particularly when significant differences in financial behaviours exist, leading to more frequent arguments and lower relationship quality. So, what strategies can couples employ if they find themselves in love with someone whose financial habits are incompatible with their own?
Financial transparency
Preliminary evidence suggests that relationship outcomes are better when couples opt for joint accounts over personal ones. Having a clear understanding of each other’s financial situation promotes healthy relationship dynamics, potentially fostering more open discussions about financial matters.
Acceptance
While the question of whether partners influence each other’s financial behaviours over time remains debatable, individuals can choose to accept and embrace their partner’s financial tendencies, whether frugal or inclined toward luxury. By adopting an accepting attitude, individuals can mitigate feelings of anger or frustration, reducing the potential damage to the relationship.
Specialisation
In many long-term partnerships, one individual often takes on the role of the relationship’s primary financial decision-maker, gaining more financial expertise over time. This division of responsibility may help alleviate conflicts surrounding money matters, as one partner assumes the role of overseeing financial decisions.
Communication
Discussing spending habits, addressing financial stress, creating financial plans, or determining savings goals can be challenging conversations for couples. However, recent evidence suggests that engaging in financial communication can mitigate the negative effects of financial stress on relationship well-being.
Money holds different meanings for different people, often symbolising safety, power, and success. Understanding the underlying significance of money for one’s partner can facilitate a deeper understanding of their financial decisions and serve as a foundation for constructive discussions about financial compatibility.
DISCLAIMER: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute official financial advice. Please consult a financial advisor or relationship counsellor.
